Waiting to Pour Out Grace

I am sitting here in the Sacramento Airport with about 8 hours to kill til my flight leaves. It's giving me lots of time to think. Hmm...this could be dangerous... :) But I have been thinking about something this morning that I thought I'd share...

I was playing my Monday morning 6 am devotional set for the Watch of the Lord this morning and meditating on the verses in John 21 where Jesus and Peter are talking about Peter's denial of Jesus. The Lord asks Peter three times the question, "Peter, do you love me?"

Now, Peter had just come off a major bummer. He knew who Jesus was and yet, when the pressure was on, he denied that he even knew him. Denied friendship with him. Denied allegiance to him.

Peter's answer is interesting to me because he answers three times the same way, "Lord, You know ALL things. You know I love You". Peter wasn't just trying to avoid the issue or put on a good front to hide his shame. He was speaking what he knew to be true.

Jesus did know that Peter's affection and love for Him was real. He had even warned him before, "Hey, you're going to be tested and You're going to deny me, but I'm praying for you."

Jesus knew Peter's heart intimately.

This revelation of having real love for Jesus and Him knowing it about me has been one I have been trying to wrap my heart around for awhile. So today I was just meditating on it. Saying over and over, "You know I want to love You... You know I long to be Yours". I fail daily at doing it well. I daily make choices when, just like Peter, I know better but in the moment I am so weak that I just don't follow through. I fail. I fail often. [I think this is good for me because it teaches me humility (which I truly hope is beginning to take root in my heart)]. But it makes it SO hard to believe that I have any real spark of love in my heart for Him...

So I come to Him, just as Peter did and I say, "Oh Lord, You know I love You..."

The thing is that this is all He requires. He is waiting for us to come to Him, not sweeping our sin under the rug, but, seeking purity of heart, coming before Him in open honesty about our weakness.

Psalm 55:6

Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

He is not trying to trick and frustrate me by requiring holiness and wholehearted love but then making it impossible to attain. That is exactly the wrong picture that Israel had of His heart in the Old Testament.

Psalm 55

¹⁶For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
¹⁷The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

It's our brokenness that makes Him so tender toward us. He already knows, as Jesus did with Peter, that we are but dust and unable to attain to His Holy standard. He knows us intimately. He is waiting for us to come to Him in this state of emptiness, that He may fill all and be all in all.

He is not trying to make it too difficult. If we will ask Him, He will actually give us grace and the power of the Spirit to live in wholehearted love and consecration to Him.

But we have to ask. We have to say "Oh God, You know I love You [my intention is real, my heart is set on You]... But I am broken and weak and I need Your grace to love You rightly."

It is the humble admission that will garner the grace of the most Holy and Tender Father.

He CANNOT compromise His holy standard in any way but He longs to give us grace to get there. He WANTS us for His Bride. It is why we were created.

He is eagerly waiting our plea. Waiting for us to ask Him to make us lovers of God. He will do it. He alone is able.

Isaiah 30:18

¹⁸Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.

Look Up: Lessons I learned from Kyle

Meet Kyle. Kyle is my Beta fish. He's little and blue and cute (despite what this very terrible picture of him suggests... I was out of batteries so a cell phone pic had to do).

Kyle was given to me by my former boss at Simpson University for a job well done last summer. We've been through alot together... (Not really, because, well, he's a fish... But, you know...)

Anyway, last night I was attempting to feed little Kyle... (Now there's something I should explain first... Kyle is a picky eater. You have to drop each teeny tiny piece of food on the top of the water one-at-a-time until he stops taking the bait (pun intended) or I get tired of standing there giving it to him. It's a technique we have perfected over the last year, Kyle and I. We do it the same every night.)

But sometimes, Kyle just gets himself all in a tizzy (about whatever it is that Beta fish get in a tizzy about) and when it comes time to eat, it's Spaz-fest 2011. Last night was one of those nights.

Instead of coming up to the top of the water and taking each piece of food, he darts wildly around, jerking his head, and looking everywhere BUT where I am putting the food. He knows I am there to feed him, but in the panic of the moment he just can't seem to remember where his help is coming from. He looks down in the little rocks, he looks in the leaves of his little plant- everywhere except the place he needed to look to.

Last night I sighed in frustration as piece after piece of food sank to the bottom of his bowl (which annoys me because I have to clean it up later). If he would just look up, he would see that I am actually trying to help him... I said, "Just look up, darn it!"

And the still small voice of the Holy Spirit spoke to me in that moment.

I began thinking how very much like that little fish I am. In the panic of the moment, when the stress of the day or season gets to me, when people push my buttons, when things are out of my control, when I don't understand... I look everywhere but where I should be looking.

The Holy Spirit spoke to me in that moment and said, " Just look up". If only I would just look up in those moments, I would see that He is standing there holding out to me exactly what I am looking for.

He is the source. He is the Helper. He is faithful.

The Psalmist said it best...

Psalm 121

¹I lift up my eyes to the hills.

From where does my help come?

² My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.

³He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
⁴Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.

⁶ The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷The LORD will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.

⁸The LORD will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.

I can be confident that in every season, He never changes. He will always be enough. He will always be my source.

So at the risk of sounding like a self-helpy-trite-and-true-I-listen-to-too-much-"contemporary Christian music"-y kind of bloggers, I say to you, dear reader:

Look up.

Courage

I wish that this wasn't the truth sometimes. Ok, alot of the time...I wish You hadn't said that... oh You know... that.

"Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple"

That this life is the road of the cross.... the road of humiliation, of suffering.

Cross? Really? Is all that necessary?

There's something in me that wants it to be how I hoped it would be. Easy. There's something in me that hates that I am constantly working out my salvation, continually confronted by my pride and my sin. There is something in me that says "Can't I just BE for awhile? Can't it just be happy all the time? Do I have to keep getting purified?? " There's something in me that wants to believe that I don't have to share in Your suffering to attain to Your resurrection.

But that something is something that raises itself up against the knowledge of God.

I am offended. Ah, it pains me to admit it even to myself. But I see it clearly. I am offended at the truth. I want to embrace You, Your ways. I know You are good and Your ways are perfect. I trust your leadership.

I need courage. To embrace the truth. To reject the deception. To count the cost and go with You.

Until the day breathes
and the shadows flee,
I will go away to the mountain of myrrh
and the hill of frankincense.

The Goodness of God

God is good.

This is one of the most beloved and preached themes in the church right now. We hear alot about it. But really, what is our definition of good?
We usually use it like "That was a good meal", or "you're a good girl/boy", or "that's a good song".

Meaning that it's pleasant, we like it, it makes us feel nice feelings.
One of the dictionary definitions is "to be desired or approved of"

But the definition of "Good" is actually far more lofty than this: "that which is morally good or righteous"

(Look through your concordance. The Bible uses the word righteous to describe God more than any other word, including Love)

God is good. This is never a question. However, the connotation can be a little confusing. When we present an idea that God is good what we usually mean is "I like what God does for me or how He makes me feel". But really, what we should be saying is "God is righteous".

He is good. He is thoroughly good and righteous in all He does. He has to be good or He can't be God. All His ways are good, perfect, pure, Holy.

I have been pondering this height of God for the past week or so. He is so far above us. The four living creatures in Revelation 4 have been peering into the depths of God for thousands of years and the only word that they can find to convey how they see Him is "Holy, Holy, Holy..." They are speaking it even now. Holy. Wholly Other. He is perfect.

We somehow think in our hearts that He is really just kind of like us. After all, we are made in His likeness. But really, He is far far far far far far above us. His intentions are perfect. His ways are thoroughly just and PURE. There is no shadow in Him. He is pure light. There is no darkness in Him. We really can't begin to comprehend this. It will continue to astound us moment by moment for eternity.

In light of this we must begin to think of Him as He is: righteous, good, true.

This means that God cannot abide with anything that is not good. A good God must punish unrighteousness. He must be a just Judge. He must be perfect in His ways and He must hold all things to this absolute standard.

This makes salvation look like a whole different ball game. The idea (that we'd never speak, but secretly think in our hearts) that Jesus came to make us better (thus implying that we are basically good and really almost like Him) is shattered by the reality of His goodness. His perfection.

We need salvation because without it there is absolutely no hope for us to begin to attain to this righteous standard.

In His goodness, God could send me, without even a chance for repentance, to an eternal Hell. And I would deserve it.

So then, Jesus is not just a great example for us to follow of what the life of a believer can be. He is our only Hope. He had to become a man because man could not attain to God's standard. Ever. Period.

He is good and, praise be to God, He is merciful.

We work out our salvation with fear and trembling knowing that His ways are so so far above ours. We must lay hold of grace, through faith to continue in repentance and obedience so that on the Day of the Lord, we will be saved (that's right, we're not saved yet).

God is good.

Only in light of these facts, these truths can we truly come to understand that it is kindness that leads us to repentance.

A Holy God has no need to have us with Him. He has no need to give us breath in our lungs each day. Think of it! His kindness is so great toward us. He is so long-suffering. He restrains Himself for the sake of His Son having a Bride. He desires us.

Humanity at large spends it's days and breaths blaspheming and walking in disobedience toward this most perfect and Holy God. The very fact that I wake up each day with breath in my lungs is His kindness and His mercy toward me. It speaks vastly of His desire for me. (let alone the way He cares for my needs! what an amazing thing!! He is SO kind! So for us!)

Only in light of His goodness can I come to this place where I give all to Him. Where I begin to find some glimmer of the fear of the Lord in my heart. Where I am saved.

Let's ask for a spirit of revelation about this Good God we serve. And let it change the way we live our lives. That we might be saved.

I don't want to presume upon my own understanding. I want a true revelation of His goodness. To pray with Jesus, "Righteous Father..."

Theology of Suffering (a rough draft, part 1)

These are my rough thoughts on suffering...

Human nature works alot like this: avoid discomfort at all costs. Most of our lives center around this principle of removing everything that causes discomfort. In the most harmless sense of this, we fulfill our basic needs: we eat to assuage the discomfort of hunger, we sleep to assuage the discomfort of being tired, we dress warmly to avoid being cold, we run the air conditioner to avoid getting too hot, we take medicine to remove the discomfort of allergies or pain. We operate largely, in our carnal nature, on this premise.

We avoid anything that makes us too uncomfortable and praise all things that are for our convenience. And the thing is, that in the West, we can make that our reality. (Even the poorest of Americans are in the top 2% of the world's wealth) Everything can be easy peasy, cushy gushy and we don't need to feel the pain of trial or suffering.

So what do we do with the Bible's apparent emphasis on suffering as the way to life?

The dictionary defines suffering (or to suffer) as: to undergo, be subjected to, or endure (pain, distress, injury, loss, or anything unpleasant)

James exhorts the church in James 1 to

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you face trials of various kinds, for your know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have it's full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James says count it all joy when you have trials. Jesus promises that we will have them.

John 16: 33

³³I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation (trials). But take heart; I have overcome the world."

Some synonyms for the word "trial" are: adversity, affliction, anguish, annoyance, bother, burden, cross to bear, pain, tribulation, unhappiness...

Antonyms are: happiness...

So let's break it down. What is suffering?

Suffering can be anything that causes me to be uncomfortable.

Whether it is mistreatment from a friend, being tortured for the sake of the gospel, someone saying something that annoys you, not having enough money to have everything you want, the way your little sister chews her cereal, someone waking you up when you really wanted to sleep, betrayal, sickness, death...

Trails of various kinds.

If Jesus and all the Apostles spoke so much of suffering, should we think it wise to construct a theology that does not embrace this concept?

Most preachers in the West preach a message that not only says that you don't have to suffer because Jesus did, but they actually make the gospel a message of "Accept Jesus and He'll take all your problems away".

I just want to say that I am not advocating beating yourself, starving yourself, or living in a box for Jesus' sake. But this concept of embracing discomfort or suffering is something that I think we (and when I say "we" I mean me!) need a revelation of.

In our carnal nature, we not only do not embrace suffering or trials or temptations, we run in the other direction, put up road blocks, or distract ourselves from them by watching entire seasons of Iron Chef on Hulu (guilty).

But suffering (trials, temptations, pressure) is VALUABLE.

Why are these things valuable? Why did Jesus allow us to still be in the world among all these things? Why is suffering important?

Because it reveals the heart.

When that person does that thing I can't stand what happens on my insides?? When someone reviles me? When someone disagrees with me? "Presses my buttons"? What is the reaction of my heart?

I'll tell the truth: usually, not holy. not kind. not pure.

I need suffering. I need discomfort. Why? Because it tests me. I want to be like gold refined in fire. Jesus knows that gold needs to be tested. He is really wise. We forget sometimes that He knows us infinitely better than we do.

There are lot of things that can't enter the kingdom of heaven... sin can't enter the Kingdom... bitterness in my heart won't secure me a place in His house when He comes. And He's after our hearts, our ways, alot more than our actions...

Sometimes I'll think to myself, "Will there ever be a time when I'm not dealing with SOME area of sin in my heart? I am weary of it"... and then I think "I hope not"...

Because here's the thing: There is a really day when a real King will come with a real reward in His hand. There is a day when I will stand before perfect righteous Judge and every moment of my life will be relived in light of His holiness. It will all be revealed by His eyes of fire. I don't want to be found wanting on that day....

He would much rather allow us to suffer now than suffer loss on THAT day.

So suffering (embracing discomfort) is actually the way to life. It is wisdom to reject the path of least resistance and face the wind.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you face trials of various kinds, for your know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have it's full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

...more to come....

Judgment day, the mocking spirit, and the normalcy bias

So I know you all have seen the billboards proclaiming that May 21, 2011 is judgment day. The guy who started this whole thing, Harold Camping, has predicted that Jesus is coming back to the earth today. As you might be aware, this gutsy prediction has garnered the attention of press, Believers, and unbelievers alike.

There is alot being said about it and, for the sake of speaking truth, as best I know it, I'd like to address two of the reactions I see happening in Believers.

The first reaction I am seeing is mocking of Harold Camping and his associates. Christians are saying all kinds of things about the man. While I do not believe that today is judgment day, we should really be careful that we don't sit in the seat of scoffers. Passing judgment on someone else can be a really subtle turning of our hearts, but it is so dangerous to us.

I can tell you from personal experience that any time I, in my heart, mock or judge another (regardless of whether I am right) I immediately fall into unbelief regarding whatever the judgement was concerning. For example, if I judge someone else in their belief concerning the end times and I mock them, I will inevitably fall into a measure of unbelief concerning the truth- unable to understand things concerning it and feeling a subtle (or not so subtle) resistance to it.

Because judgment reaps judgment, the hardening of my heart. And mockery is really just the same. Judgment with scoffing thrown in. Just because I know the truth doesn't give me a good reason to scoff at those who are deceived. Rather I should be praying that they come into the knowledge of the truth and the Holy Spirit would give them revelation.

Let's be real. This isn't the first time this has happened. This was happening clear back in the apostle's day and I daresay this isn't the last time it will before the day comes.

The second reaction I am seeing to this is kind of an extension of the first.... alot of people saying

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure the Bible says that NO ONE knows when Jesus is coming back."

True. It does say that know one knows which day is set. However, Jesus and the Apostles give us some very good instructions on discerning the times and the seasons. They say alot more about the day of the Lord and the sign of His coming than they do about us NOT knowing. The Church was expected to know the times and the seasons. Jesus chastises the Pharisee's for this very thing.

Let us not take this verse out of context. Matthew 24, the passage that this verse is in, is Jesus own description of events leading up to His coming. So this verse itself is in the context of discerning the times and seasons. Sure, I don't know the exact day, but I want to take seriously the words of Jesus and rightly divide the times.

In the West, we are just really at a ideological disadvantage. We have this thing called the normalcy bias that says, basically, that because something has never happened, that it never will. This is exactly what Peter is warning the Church about in 2 Peter 3. I really encourage you to go read that entire chapter. It really helps to get perspective on this whole Judgment Day business.

There is a day coming. That much I know. I want to do my best to divide what is truth. But I will not sit in the seat of scoffers. Let's be wise as serpents and gentle as doves.

Psalm 1

Blessed is the man who does not stand in the counsel of the wicked, or stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of scoffers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord and on it he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of living water, who bears its fruit in due season, whose leaf does not whither.

2 Peter 3:1-11

This is now the second letter that I am writing to you, beloved. In both of them I am stirring up your sincere mind by way of reminder, ² that you should remember the predictions of the holy prophets and the commandment of the Lord and Savior through your apostles, ³knowing this first of all, that scoffers will come in the last days with scoffing, following their own sinful desires. ⁴ They will say, "Where is the promise of his coming? For ever since the fathers fell asleep, all things are continuing as they were from the beginning of creation."

... ⁹ The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. ¹⁰But the day of the Lord will come like a thief, and then the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved, and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed.

New in life, Luke Wood Visit, Blog Updates...

So I am trying to resist the urge to make this blog an apologetic about the house of prayer and not only a log of my musings over whatever I am learning at the moment... that said, let me give you a little update. I promise that I am going to start uploading proper pictures. I am currently waiting on a USB converter for my memory card... there will be lots of great pictures soon! So here are some random updates on my life... but first.

New Around the Blog

You might have noticed a few changes on my blog. If not, well, you must be reading this in Reader so click on the link and view all the amazing things I have done to my blog. Now. Really. Do it. I have created some different pages that you can see listed at the top of the page. The Favorite Things page has some great resources as well as some other blogs from other members of the watch. Go check it out.

I also created a Newsletter Archive page where you can view my latest ministry updates.

Also, just a reminder, if you are wanting to partner with me financially in building the house of prayer, you can do that on the Donate page.

Luke Wood Visit

So this past week, we had the amazing honor and privilege of hosting Luke and Leah Wood from IHOP-KC. It was such an encouraging time for our little house of prayer. Whenever I meet another intercessory missionary I always feel like I am meeting my family. There's just something in me that says, ahhh these are my people. Luke shared some great messages and led our Friday night intercession set. It was really great. Here is a really bad photo of Luke and the team taken with my cell phone. I will put up better pictures asap!

Also, Luke and Leah are intercessory missionaries as well. You can go to our website (www.thewatchredding.org) to find out how to partner with them or listen to the teachings from last week. You can also go to ihop.org to watch Luke in the Prayer Room live!

Trip to IHOP-KC

Also, very exciting, I have been given the incredible opportunity to visit IHOP-KC for ten days at the end of June. Ironically, I have never been there, even though I am so closely tied to their ministry. I will go on June 22 and be back in Redding July 2. I am greatly looking forward to this time a time of impartation and vision for the next season in building the house of prayer here in Redding. I am so thankful for this opportunity. Thank you, Jesus!

New in my Life

Well tomorrow it will be one month exactly since I returned from my fundraising trip to Ohio and officially began my journey as an intercessory missionary here in Redding. Being an intercessory missionary is a really interesting experience. You really get hit between the eyes with your own value system when you start to build and minister in the house of prayer as your occupation. Because now your "money is where your mouth is" so to speak. I have said that this is a worthy thing to give my life to before, but now it is my reality.

So when it all comes down, and I am dependent upon the Lord for my daily bread, do I really believe this is worth giving my life to? Do I really beleive that if I seek first the Kingdom in this way, that all my needs will be met? Do I really value this fasted lifestyle over the American Dream?

When I am faced with my own weakness in my inability to pray long hours (when that is supposed to be my occupation), do I encounter that weakness and press in? When I am unsure of how to proceed in building a staffing department because I have never done this before, do I seek the face of God and struggle through? Or do I determine that I must not be called to it and quit?

Do I really beleive that this is a valid and valuable way to spend my time?

These are just real questions and can be applied not only to my journey as an intercessory missionary, but to anything that the Lord asks us to follow Him in....

The good news is that He is really faithful. I can rest assured in all of these things of this one thing: Jesus is worth a life poured out in obedience.

As I align myself with this truth, the Holy Spirit can give me grace to walk it out. It is the power of seeking the first ONE first. (see my last post...)

So how's it going over here in Redding?

I can truly say that this is the best decision I have ever made. Nothing compares to knowing that I am truly where He has called me to be; to trusting Him in all things.

My heart is full of gratitude. What an honor to minister in the house of the Lord. Sometimes it seems to good to be true that He would allow me to do this.