This is your life, are you who you want to be?

So I come to this place every month or so for the past ten months since becoming part of the house of prayer...
It goes like this:
Usually I come across some pictures on facebook or something of some awesome time that some of my friends had, some awesome worship, drunk-fest, or just good hang time... and I feel this pang in my heart.

Because, chances are, I was not there. I was not apart of it. I didn't experience the laughter, the tears, the connection.

Usually in that moment I thing to myself, "I should be there, I am missing out."

But yesterday, I had this sort of moment of clarity........

It was as if the reality of my life hit my heart. This is my life. I work and the rest of my time is basically spent doing house of prayer stuff.

This is really all I do now.
It's a weird and slightly surreal feeling to find that, after all this time, it has become real to me that I am really giving my life to this. This is my life.

And so... in the midst and wake of a great party last night, filled with people who love me but who I rarely spend time with, feeling that familiar pang of uncertainty, I had this epiphany:

This is my life. I live here. I choose my days, my time, my relationships.

It doesn't have to be this unbalanced thing where I throw all of my friendships out the window. In fact, I have learned that it is quite the opposite. I can love the people in my life and be intentional with them. But I probably won't be around for every worship session and cookout.

And for the first time in almost a year, I felt............ total peace.

All through this past year, I have felt that pain of "loss" but I have never, ever for a minuet wanted to change anything about the way I am doing life. I love the house of prayer, I love LOVE the people I have come to know so well. :)
And so, even now, in finally coming to terms with my life as it is and feeling peace, I know that there will undoubtedly be many more pangs and losses.

But I know this...... I am in it to win it. This is it. And I will never be sorry.

Do not worry about your life. Take My yoke upon You. Seek first the Kingdom and everything else will fall into place. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

I can say with clarity... This is my life. And it's good.