Courage

I wish that this wasn't the truth sometimes. Ok, alot of the time...I wish You hadn't said that... oh You know... that.

"Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple"

That this life is the road of the cross.... the road of humiliation, of suffering.

Cross? Really? Is all that necessary?

There's something in me that wants it to be how I hoped it would be. Easy. There's something in me that hates that I am constantly working out my salvation, continually confronted by my pride and my sin. There is something in me that says "Can't I just BE for awhile? Can't it just be happy all the time? Do I have to keep getting purified?? " There's something in me that wants to believe that I don't have to share in Your suffering to attain to Your resurrection.

But that something is something that raises itself up against the knowledge of God.

I am offended. Ah, it pains me to admit it even to myself. But I see it clearly. I am offended at the truth. I want to embrace You, Your ways. I know You are good and Your ways are perfect. I trust your leadership.

I need courage. To embrace the truth. To reject the deception. To count the cost and go with You.

Until the day breathes
and the shadows flee,
I will go away to the mountain of myrrh
and the hill of frankincense.