BIG God. little me.

Questions.... so many questions.... thoughts too big for this human heart.... ponderings too complex to be contained in this carnal mind...

Just trying to glimpse the enormity of the Almighty One. To see into His character. To even consider the fact that there are creatures in His presence that have been searching His depths for thousands upon thousands of years... .and they still keep saying, "Holy holy. We've never seen anything like Him!"

Knowing that I will spend eternity (which is a pretty overwhelming thought in itself) searching His depths. Studying Him. Gazing into untold mysteries. There is so much of Him. He is a vast ocean, bigger than all I can imagine.

I can imagine outer space.... universes.... extending, stretching into impossible directions...

That thought is comprehensible in some ways.... I've seen pictures of outer space... I can picture what it might look like.......

But God is eternal. He goes on and on and on and on.

He has no beginning.

I have no frame of reference for Him. No pictures to look at to know what He might be like. He is wholly other than all I know.

I am tempted to be afraid. Because the enormity of this God so overpowers me. My heart cannot contain the thought of Him. I am dust and He.... He is all things....

A thousand times I have felt this feeling in my heart and run... run in fear from the discomfort... the stark truth that I cannot comprehend Him.... that I just...don't...... know Him... I cannot know Him....the trembling of knowing that He is too big for me to imagine....

I do not like that discomfort.

But it occurs to me now.... that I must embrace this feeling....... ask the big questions.... let my imagination run.... exploring the possibilities of the Everlasting One....

Only here can I fear Him.... and only here can I love Him...

For He IS an all consuming fire..... He will blow my mind and burn my heart.............

It is sweet and terrible ecstasy to draw near to Him........... to tremble at His holiness........ to see how very near He has come..... how very much He wants me to partake of the revelation of who He is......

...How very much He longs that I would get over my fear, my discomfort, my pride, my apathy....

and come close enough to search the depths of Him.

The Son is the Divine invitation to the depths of God, giving us the clean hands and pure hearts we need to ascend the hill of the Lord, and inquire in His temple.

So I will not cower and run from the questions of my heart..............

Allowing these questions to come and explore the possibilities..... feeling the enormity of Him.... is what tills the garden of my heart. It is what makes my heart soft enough to receive the answers.... humble enough to see Him.

So Lord, set my spirit free to come up where You are........ to look into your depths......... to know your character........ to gaze upon the radiant facets of Your personality...... to explore the eternal.