Being Home, Remembering my First Love

Well, here I am in Ohio. My last day of work having been Friday, it's my first week as a full time intercessory missionary and I am spending three weeks in Ohio to meet with potential ministry partners (aka fundraising) for my full time work in the Watch of the Lord (house of prayer). So, hey, if you want to get together, Ohioans, now is the time:)

Being "home" is always an interesting time. This time that I am home, my parents are getting ready to move and my mom is having me go through some things that I still have at their house here. Last night, I came across "the Box". You know, that box of memories that all girls have. Journals and photos and momentos dating back to 1994. More than ten years of my young life is chronicled by the contents of this blue tote.

my old house here in Wooster. did alot of my growing up here...

I spent some time the past day looking through and reading some of my journals. It is highly amusing and always brings back feelings of nostalgia. But it was a very sweet experience. I learned a few things reading through my journals.

1. I have ALWAYS been passionate and had a flair for the dramatic ( I know, this comes as no surprise to those of you who really know me. It is still somewhat of a surprise to me though).

2. I have always been painfully aware of my own pride.

3. I have always been a hopeless romantic.

4. I have always known I was called to be an intercessor.

but even more than these...

The Lord has faithfully called my name and drawn me to Himself for my whole life.

Reading through journals from my highschool years was especially moving to my heart. I can see the wooing of Jesus throughout them. I see in them a girl who really loved the Lord and although she really didn't know how to pursue Him, she joyfully asked Him again and again to make her a lover of Him.

I was moved to tears as I read through this history of mine. How many of you remember the first time you fell in love with the Lord? The first movements of your heart toward Him? How innocent and pure and passionate young love, young faith is! I miss those moments. I think of Jesus words to the church in Ephesus in Revelation 2- return to your first love. How I long to do that. To remember.

I remembered today that it has never been about my ability to love Him well. He has faithfully been pursuing my heart since before time began. It is evident to me. Though now, my relationship with Him is based alot more in confidence in knowing more of His character, It is easy to forget those first moments.... to forget the sweetness of the time when I first fell in love with Him. How easily I lose sight of the big picture: this epic love story of God and man.

I think of the words of a song by a dear friend of mine:

You have pursued me before time began

And You've won my heart

Over and over and over again...

It's never been about me. He has been the faithful one. What a refreshing reminder. How it moves me to pursue again my first Love. He was always the One I desired. May this moment of remembrance move my heart in love for Him a little more today. Like Misty's song

What is your history? I encourage you today to remember those things you knew at first. Let Him woo your heart again. It is maturity in knowing Him that keeps us near Him. But It is the sweetness that wins our affections. Remember your first Love today. Let Him take you back to those moments...

like Misty Edwards' song...

I remember the first glance

I remember the first romance

I remember the first dance when I fell in love with You...